Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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