Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
