I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
