I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
