so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
