Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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