He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
