Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
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i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
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Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I believe in your delicious
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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