forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
