Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
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We left an ass print on the piano.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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