It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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