Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
