Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
