so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All I want is dick and wine.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
