this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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