I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
