Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
