dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
