either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
is wine microwaveable?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
