i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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