Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Couch. On fire.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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