i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The power of my boobs compel you
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize