I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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