dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
