I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
