And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
