You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
