I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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