It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
