I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
