I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
try to milk me bitch
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