She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
