stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
