He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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