Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
