Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
