If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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