well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
