My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so explain again why im purple
no
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i think i just lost a toe
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
