If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
