dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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