i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
