I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
