I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
