I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
