i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
