I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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