Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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