its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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