I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
there's paper in my vomit.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
