I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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