She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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