Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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