I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
