I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We need to rekindle our bromance
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
