I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
