One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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