I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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