If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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