it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
