Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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