I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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