Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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