You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
