Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
