Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
