so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize