Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
