So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
