Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
