Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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