I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
