I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My cat gives me a boner
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
