Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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