oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
