u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
