dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
