Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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