franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
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Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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