I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
