She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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