I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
