I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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