Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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