can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
